That’s what a lot of my guy friends seem to always ask me. When I tell them I’m jaded, they ask me why and immediately start throwing things into categories, “Well there’s your problem. Don’t date anyone in _enter some sort of industry here_. What you need to do is date someone who’s _enter some other sort of category here_”
I am the type of person that doesn’t look at categories. What someone does isn’t the reason why I date someone, nor is it the reason I don’t date someone. I’ve dated people in the music industry, comedians, actors, real estate agents, your “average joe’s,” you name it. Occupations had nothing to do with any of it. They all just had levels of douchebaggery that were a waste of time. I’ve noticed it’s usually either a “sex” thing, or a “problem with honesty” thing:
- Everything went well with my first boyfriend until he eventually got sick of waiting for me to be ready to have sex with him.
- This guy I dated once ended up using me for all of the “oh so cool rockstars” I knew. One night, as I hooked us up with all access passes to Rob Zombie, he ditched me for some groupie because he thought that meant he was going to get to hang out with Rob. The openers that I was friends with wanted me to point him out just so they could go kick his ass. Needless to say, that was the end of it. From my understanding, as my career continues to move forward, he now brags about how he once dated me, but always fails to mention that he cheated on me.
- I went on a date with this guy in my college once. Next thing I knew, I ended up with a stalker who memorized my exact route around the university. When I started taking a different route, he memorized my roommate’s and started following her around, asking about me. It got to a point where I would run into people I’ve never met before, and they already knew who I was and would ask me, “Oh, you’re so-and-so’s girlfriend, right? Are you two still dating?” Uh…
- My second fully committed relationship lasted eight amazingly perfect months before things went in the gutter and I still don’t even know why because he never bothered to give me any sort of closure. He just figured he’d stop driving to visit me, stop picking up his phone, etc. Four months later, we randomly bumped into each other and he had the nerve to act like he didn’t do anything wrong. That was the last we ever spoke to each other.
- Before moving to L.A., I was dating this guy who had been my friend for years prior. I was always helping him get into shows if he didn’t know anyone on the roster (because chances were, I did). Not once did he ever judge or accuse me of anything… until we started dating. Then suddenly, if I called him up, all excited because I got hooked up with a photoshoot with someone from the L.A. Guns, instead of being a supportive boyfriend, I instead got, “Well hopefully you don’t fuck him afterwards.” When I couldn’t handle someone doing nothing but coming down on me when I not once gave him a reason to be that way towards me, and decided I was going to move to Los Angeles, I got told how he’s “been there, done that” and “it was going to be a waste of my time” and I’d “just end up back in Missouri.” I still hear from him every now and then about how much he misses me and he’s sooooo proud of me… and it’s usually around the same times that everything is back in the gutter for him and whatever girl is dragging him there.
- I casually dated a guy once that I foolishly helped move from the east coast to the west. He dragged me through the dirt, not being able to decide if he wanted me or his psycho ex. Yet, at the same time, as I sat there, still helping him make connections in this city, every time I would introduce him to someone, as soon as that person walked away, he’d accuse me of fucking him and go on about how his ex would’ve done the same. Oh, and let’s talk about all the time he’d go on about how he saw his ex as the hottest thing on the planet, but she had no heart… and how, “Everything I see in you, she doesn’t have, but everything she does have, you don’t.” —Apparently he thought that was a compliment. I ended things shortly after that… and after we went to a club together and he decided to get wasted and make out with some chick he just met right in front of me. Then he decided he was going to try to trash talk me all over town, which didn’t work considering he was talking shit to people who’ve known me forever and knew better… got himself kicked out of the city.. had to move back all by his lonesome… and for a while, I still heard from him every now and then and he couldn’t comprehend why on gods earth I never wanted anything to do with him ever again. (M-o-r-o-n.)
- I dated a guy once who decided that when a major problem arose, he was just going to avoid it as much as possible. He even knew what he was doing was wrong as he would admit to mutual friends how, “I feel bad because I keep making promises and flaking out on her…” Hello, you know you’re doing something wrong, SO WHY THE HELL ARE YOU STILL DOING IT? Man-up and have a freakin’ conversation with ME, not mutual friends.
- I dated this other guy for a few good months. You know, I’m an understanding gal. I get it, you get out of a serious relationship a few months prior, it’s hard to get back in the game. I get it… I really do. But you know, don’t start getting weird with me out of the blue and try to beat around the bush. When I told him to just be blunt and honest with me, he promised he wouldn’t do it again… and guess what? He did, then took the pussy way out and didn’t even bother calling me. He instead EMAILED ME about how “it’s not me, it’s him” blah blah blah, and “let’s try this again when you get home from tour.” Only right after I left for tour, he turned around and did exactly what I knew he was going to do. I ran into him quite a few times once I got back off tour… and he’d always try to talk… and I’d always tell him that there was nothing left to say and I just wanted my shit back. Never did get my belongings back…
- I went on a date with an actor once. We set up a second date and he completely flaked on me. Didn’t even bother to call or call back to cancel. Just full-on flaked. I, along with some of my closest guy friends, assumed it was because I didn’t “give it up” on the first date. Every now and then, I’ll get a random text from him… and I never bother responding.
- I let a guy lead me on with empty promises for years, and he somehow got past my walls and reeled me in so much that I was ready to break my number one rule of, “Don’t EVER change anything for a guy,” and almost dropped everything I had been working on and change my entire life for him… only to find that he had been playing me all along. Good thing I figured that out before I quit what is now the best job I’ve ever had so far.
- I’ve had a guy confess his love for me once, and go on and on about how one day he wanted to marry me and have a family with me, yadda yadda. All of this “one day in the future” crap… yet… it’s really hard to take that seriously from someone who still has a girlfriend who lives closer to him. Hello, can we say “convenience?”
There have been others along the way, and lately, it’s the same ol’ shit. When a problem arises, they automatically assume how I’m going to react based on their experiences with girls in the past… so they avoid the problem instead of just being blunt about it. When I finally speak up about it instead, they run away.
And then on rare occasions, fear of honesty isn’t an issue, but more of… neither one of us being in the wrong. Just bad timing. Which also sucks.
So to all of my dear male friends who keep asking me this question and asking why I’m so jaded… I hope this venting session has answered it.
(This is part of the reason why I’m so married to my work.)